Vulnerability and Finding a Theme

Lately, I’ve been dwelling on the frustration that my writing/posts/social media appear to be too scattered. What started off as a fitness blog and my platform for acquiring new online clients turned into my own online sanctuary for my personal writing, with subjects anywhere from art to functional training and everything else in between. I even took a further leap a few months ago and started writing about the stuff that I didn’t really want to talk about, but needed to – eating disorders and recovery and anxiety. I ended up falling in love with the direction I was heading and the raw authenticity I felt emerging in my writing. But at the same time, I can’t help but feel like my content is all over the place. Am I still a fitness blog? Recovery blog? Personal? Does it matter? I feel so much passion for so many different things and I want to progress forward and make the most out of each and every one of them! Writing and fitness and painting and yoga. But is that vain? Am I spinning my wheels juggling too many things? The more I thought about it the more I got into my own head wondering if anyone else was thinking the same thing. “Who does Monika think she is, doing all these different things and acting like an expert on all of them?” Well. Following along with my bountiful signs and guidance from the universe that I’ve been receiving upon my move out to Colorado, I received my answer to this dilemma not long after arriving. The first book I picked up out here was the right book at the right time kind-of-thing. Daring Greatly by Brené Brown practically called out for me. I barely skimmed the back before already deciding it was worth the purchase. Last year, a friend of mine gifted me Brown’s Rising Strong and all the wonderment that came with it. I trust Brené Brown and even though Daring Greatly is one of her earlier books,  I knew I would greatly benefit from the read. Like a warm cup of chamomile on a long, cold day, it was exactly what I needed.

I could write a whole post on the entirety of the book, but in short, Brené Brown’s painfully awakening research and insight on vulnerability and shame deeply enlightened  me and I allowed it to change my life. I say “allow” because I think it’s one thing to 1.) read a great self-improvement book that really resonates with you but then not apply the message and learnings into your everyday life, or 2.) read that book and then allow the message to contribute to your own personal growth by implementing its ideas and teachings. One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned from Daring Greatly is that almost all success (from business to personal) has occurred because of the individual’s concession to be vulnerable; that it takes strength to be vulnerable in a world where the fear of ‘what if’ kills so many wonderful ideas and possibilities. Each time you’re on the precipice of something amazing, the vulnerability of all the possibilities that could go very wrong hits you smack in the face. All the great stories come from those who accepted their vulnerability and worked with it. Since I’ve finished the book, I’ve truly tried my hardest to let go the fear of what ifs, (the biggest being “what if people think this is X, Y or Z?”). I’ve allowed myself to soak in some vulnerability in efforts to dare greatly.

So there it is, the solution to my dilemma. I’ve decided that it’s okay that my blog doesn’t necessarily have one theme. It’s okay that I have different passions that may not coincide with one another. I’m excited to continue in the direction that I’ve been going with my writing. Putting yourself out there will always come with a side vulnerability. I don’t know why, but whenever I think of being vulnerable, I imagine a little bunny or fawn in a forrest full of predators. The wolves and bears and coyote are all the ‘what ifs’ and possibilities of everything going badly. They don’t always win! The predators don’t snatch up every single bunny or fawn in the forrest, and some of those little guys could live out their whole lives without a single encounter. I was feeling a little insecure about sharing my passions with the world. I thought that people might think it to be vain or that I had to be an expert first. Those fears are still there, too – I feel slightly uncomfortable each time I publish a new post. But as Brené Brown would say, “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.”

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